Gentle Outsider

Hello, ladies!

2008-04-01T23:02:00.002-04:00

I'm still here! We temporarily have dial up Internet...oh, my....it is SO slow. I have missed reading your blogs so much but I can't out here because it takes forever to bring them up since there are graphics and pictures on them. It took a good 5 minutes just to bring this up so I could post something. We should have DSL in a couple of weeks and in the meantime, we're just trying to be patient.

We are completely moved out of the old house. I met our landlady over there today at lunch and she did a walk through and was very happy with how nice it looked. She gave me a check for our deposit and we parted with plans for her to come have dinner with us Friday night. She will be our first guest! She not only was our landlady but is a very dear friend.

My granddaughters are doing well and I plan on going to see them one day this month. I miss not seeing them very much but am grateful for the times I do have with them. Their daddy, my son, will be graduating from seminary in May so we're eagerly awaiting that happy day. Then he is going to rest for a month or so because he has been in intensive training for three years along with working at his job, being a husband, and a daddy. We are praying that he and his family will be able to move closer to us here instead of being over 2 hours away. I'm ready to do some babysitting!

I am not able to come by and visit y'all right now but please know I miss you and will be back in full swing very shortly. I pray you are all well and I will "see" you soon!

Leeann

We made it!

2008-03-22T10:48:00.002-04:00

The first night at the farm, that is. Oh, what a time we had yesterday afternoon. I got off work at 6 after chomping at the bit all afternoon because I wanted to go out there, relax on our deck and sip a drink and watch the deer. Instead, at about 8 p.m. or so, I was bathing the back end of our big yellow cat while Sam was holding her front end, trying to avoid her teeth. Seems old yellow cat was none too happy with the trip out there and made her displeasure known by leaving a little gift for me in her carrier then spraying all over herself or something, which left a most unpleasant aroma around her. I have been in the animal business for quite some time but never saw what I say yesterday. Male cats spray, you know. Female cats shake their tails but normally don't spray. Well, when we pulled her out of that carrier, her whole tail and back end was wet!! It was disgusting. So we got that dirty deed done and then I fixed us scrambled eggs while still wearing my scrubs from work and listened to the cats walk around and growl and hiss for the rest of the night. Then we felt so sorry for them and we let them sleep with us last night so they wouldn't be afraid. Not the best idea. Yellow cat is huge and got right between us and wouldn't budge when I turned over and tried to bring the covers with me. Her weight held them down. Then white kitty, beautiful little thing, heard a house fly and that kept her entertained for a good part of the night. So today, Sam and I are grainy-eyed and my poor Sam is bone tired. We are at the old house now and will take a small load out and then I will insist he rest for the remainder of the day. I've got boxes, clothes, household items strewed from one end of that house to the other but we'll do what we can and just take it slow. We're not as young as we used to be and there was a time when I would not have stopped until every single thing was put away and pictures were hung on the walls. Not now. We're lucky to have a bar of soap and clean towel for bathing! It'll get done and until then, we will enjoy the quiet and solitude with our little pets.

I will let you know when I won't be blogging for a time. We won't have Internet access out there until the first or second week of April so after this week, I may be gone for a while. I'll miss you all during that time. Until then, I'll be around and I pray you all have a blessed Easter.

Leeann

Slow moving

2008-03-20T20:54:00.002-04:00

And I mean literally. We had hoped to have so much more done by today but poor Sam had to work late every night this week. Seems a couple of co-workers called in sick every day so he was very, very busy and worked 2 or 3 hours over each night. However, his boss gave him Monday off as well as tomorrow so he'll have four days off in a row, for which I am so grateful. Knowing Sam, he'll have everything moved in by tomorrow night! We are both so anxious to be out there and really wanted to spend Easter out there...we'll see. I went out today and took a load and put a new shower curtain up in one of the bathrooms and just piddled. I sat in my rocking chair in the middle of the living room and looked out the front windows while eating a salad for lunch. I had a good country station on the radio and just thoroughly enjoyed that moment.

Yesterday, one of the clients at our clinic brought in a tiny, cream colored poodle and she was identical to my Snow Pea, except my Snow Pea was gray. This little dog just captivated my attention and I thought that if I could find another one like that, I would love to have her because she reminded me so much of my little girl dog. Oh, how I miss her. One of the first orders of business once we're moved is to lay her to rest on the hill behind our house. I thought about her today and wished she was with me, sniffing the floors in our new house and running out in the huge front yard. She would have loved it out there and I wish I could have shared this with her...does that sound silly? I hope not. I'm really not a nut. I know she was a dog, but she was also my tiny friend and I believe she considered me a mother figure of sorts, seeing how she was born in my bedroom laundry basket and started sleeping along side me when she was only 4 weeks old.

I look forward to having breakfast in the morning with a dear friend. She's 87 years old and a delight and marvel. She is so precious to us and I look forward to spending as much time with her as I possibly can. She also happens to be our landlady and the neighbor of son's in-laws. She is sad that we're moving but totally understands our need and desire to have a home of our own. This neighborhood is deteriorating and I believe she will sell this little house we've lived in as well as the one she owns next door. Miss C is one of the most intelligent, kind hearted humans we've ever had the pleasure to know and we clicked from the start. We are each other's confidants and I'm honored to call her my friend.

I will close for now and bid you all a good night. I will keep writing until the last day when we will be without Internet for a short time. Until next time, sleep tight and don't let the bed bugs bite.

Leeann

At the end of the day

2008-03-16T18:38:00.002-04:00

Hi, ladies -

I haven't posted anything in a while. Sam and I have been busy moving things to the new place and we're getting closer and closer to being moved. Our goal is to have everything done by next Sat. so we can spend the night. We'll see how long our muscles last us! Sam has had the brunt of it and has worked very, very hard. He's moved so many big, heavy things by himself and we are kinda hoping that between the two of us, we might make the last trip of the biggest things by ourselves. I can lift the end of a couch, loveseat, and desk and also help with the bed. If we could do it without getting help from anyone, that would be great.

We were out there all afternoon yesterday and unpacked boxes. There was a box of what I thought was my mother's china that had been packed away for 15 years and I was most anxious to open it. Well, the dishes on top were the cups to her set, half of which were broken. The rest of it was glassware and for the life of me, I can't recall the pattern. My mom used to call it her crystal but to my thinking, it's too heavy to be crystal. It's clear and has that raised diamond pattern on it. Do y'all know what it is? I will try to figure out how to put a picture on here and show you. I was disappointed but maybe there is another box of her china around that I just haven't seen yet. I did find the china that my mother in law gave us years ago and hasn't been used in about 5 years. I told Sam I want to find a hutch for the dining room and display her china, as it is very delicate and pretty, but I want to use it daily. Why have it if we can't enjoy it? I hand wash my dishes anyway and it would look so pretty on my table and would make me think of her every time we sat down to a meal.

Sam and I were to dog sit for a friend of mine, K. I had never taken care of this little dog as my friend has only had her a few months. She was abused and K has been telling me she would be very shy. Well, she refused to come out of her kennel and even snapped at me when I reached in for her. I took as much time as I could, talking gently to her but she has had a hard life and is so skittish and she wasn't going to come out of there so I decided to leave her in peace. K was understanding and felt bad that we traveled that distance to care for her - she's about 30 min. from us. But we tried and maybe if I'm around her more and more, she'll get used to me.

I talked to youngest son last night and was happy, as always, to have that time with him. He is such a joy and is very easy to talk to. I am incredibly blessed to have the close relationship that I do with him. He told me that he wants to move up here so bad because he wants to be near us and be somewhere that is so pretty. I think he will be coming up shortly and may bring his girl with him and let her see the area. She is close to her family and hasn't traveled far from Texas at all so she is curious to see what it's like here and I think, son may be hoping that she'll love it enough to consider a move. It's very hard for them as he wants to be close to his family and she, hers. Selfishly, I want them here as I've lived away from him for 3 years now and miss him more all the time. We have a very easy relationship and I say that because my relationship with married son isn't quite as easy. We have no problems between us and we love each other deeply but since he has been in training, he sometimes appears to get in a "preachy" mode with his family. He just isn't always himself these days....he's more serious and being surrounded by religious scholars much of the time has subtly changed him. Add that to his being married and a father and naturally, his priorities have changed and his responsibilites are so great that I think he is overwhelmed at times. I just want my boy back sometimes - I miss him. This feeling will pass, I know, and although life changes and he has taken up the mantle of manhood, he is still that wonderful young man that I am very proud of and am grateful to God that I got to be his mom.

I am off to fix Sam some supper and then to rest for the evening. I pray happy weeks for all of you.

Wednesday thoughts

2008-03-12T07:22:00.002-04:00

It's early morning and my favorite time of day. I truly love the promise of a new day. I love the way it smells outside and the sounds of the birds. That's one of the things I look forward to the most when we move to our little farm - not having to go to work my first day off and just going outside and being....reveling in God's glory and creation.

I want to thank you ladies for giving me encouragement with regard to my son's in-laws. It really does help knowing that others face the same or similar struggles. I don't know what the future holds but Sam and I have decided that we'll take the higher road and try very hard to behave in a Christian manner, no matter what. Our desire is to glorify God but sometimes it's hard to not do or say what would come naturally to us because we're sinners. All this to say that I ask for prayer that our two families can be harmonious for the sake of our married children and our granddaughters.

The weather here in northern TN. is so beautiful. It's in the 60's and we're starting to see trees bud out. I am very excited to see what pops up at our new place. We were told that somewhere on our property is an apple tree or two which tickles me to no end! We have lots to do out there and it will be an adventure.

I dreamed about my little dog Snow Pea the other night. I had gone outside and she was in the yard next door, limping and disoriented. I couldn't believe what I was seeing and ran to pick her up. Her little eyes were barely open and somehow I knew that she had been traveling a long way to find me and when I held her close to me, she clung to me and wouldn't let me put her down. Strangely, I didn't wake up crying but sadness was my companion for most of the day yesterday. I'm so grateful that I had her.

I hope you ladies have blessed days. I'm off to work now and look forward to my day off tomorrow.

Leeann

my weekend

2008-03-09T21:11:00.002-04:00

I will forewarn you that I've had 3 glasses of wine to drink. Does that give you an indication of my weekend?

First of all, the baby girls are beautiful and healthy and it was pure joy to hold them and love on them. They looked like tiny angels in their christening gowns and were very well behaved when they got baptized this morning.

Now, here is the deal. Does anyone out there have issues with their child's in-laws? I sure hope so because I need some help with this particular area of my life. Here is a little bit of background: son's father-in-law is a doctor. Wife is an atypical doctor's wife. She isn't snobbish but basically doesn't pay much attention to me or Sam unless there is a crowd of people around. It's a public show of affection and appears to us to be very artificial. Well, the father-in-law has been very ill with the flu and we didnt' think he would be able to make it for the baptism. He did and we were glad for that because it would have been a disappointment for him to have missed that. Afterwards, we all met at son's house for lunch. Father-in-law, who has a BAD cough, is asked by his wife to carve the ham. The man is coughing into his hands which are then placed on said ham and he starts sawing away at this ham, all the while coughing and/or licking his fingers between slices. Sam notices and calls me aside to warn me not to eat said ham. I agree.

The in-laws are a large group. Daughter-in-law has 3 siblings and her grandparents are still living and they were all there today. There was only me, Sam, and our dear friend who is close to both sides of the family and she sort of acts like a buffer between the two. In-laws keep to themselves and entertain each other with stories and jokes and we are excluded. I got a huge lump in my throat at one point because I started wondering about my granddaughters and thought - "what if they want to be around that side of the family more than us because they are more boisterous and still have teenage kids at home to entertain them"? See where I'm going with this? I realize I am showing you my vulnerabilities here but I have to be honest. I feel jealous of so many things....the other grandma's sewing abilities, their affluence and ability to buy anything anyone in their family desires, etc. You may wonder why I feel so strongly about all of this. Well, I'll tell you. One of daughter-in-law's sisters made a comment about a month ago in front of Sam and me to her sister, our DIL. She said, "Please don't teach the girls to speak with a Southern accent or a twang." It really hurt my feelings and I wish I had spoken up then but I didn't. Their kids were born in Tennessee but the parents are from Ohio and don't have southern accents nor do any of the kids. I truly believe that they equate a southern accent with ignorance. Anyway, the other thing is that this morning, one of these sisters was overheard saying about my Sam - "He's wearing the same tie he wore to wedding". Now this was our son's wedding to their sister which was over a year ago. I was thinking..."how do you remember and why do you care?" It just shows that there is an underlying animosity there and for the life of me, I don't know where it came from. Sam and I are easy to get along with and had a sincere desire to be close to this family but they basically shun us. I don't say anything to our son because I don't want him to be caught in the middle but it's very hurtful.

I'm sorry to unload but that is what's weighing on my mind tonight. I would appreciate any feedback on this and especially if any of you share similar experiences.

I hope you have a restful night and I thank you for listening to me whine yet once again.

Leeann

Friday night

2008-03-07T21:02:00.003-05:00

Hi, ladies -

Sam and I just got back from our new place. We took a few boxes out there and will continue to chip away at it until everything is moved. It's so much fun to think about what all I want to do out there. I'm also constantly aware that every thing I take out of a box won't have to go back in a box to move elsewhere, Lord willing. We hope this is our permanent home until we die. That's sobering but comforting at the same time. I told him the other night that we'll remember this time while we're still relatively young and healthy as we are picking up heavy boxes and furnishings and moving around with ease. One day, we'll look at one another and notice that we are moving slower through those rooms and with a degree of difficulty as we age. I pray that is so and that God lets us have a long life together. By the way, there was a big difference in the weather out there than from where we are now. It's pretty mild here...about 50...with no wind. Now, our new place is up higher in the mountains about 20 miles from here. Well, when we got out of our car, the wind was blowing hard and it was about 10 degrees cooler. I hope it stays like that during the summer months. I love it.

I think everything is ready for our trip to see the grandbabies tomorrow. I made baked beans and green beans and some sweet tea to contribute to our lunch and others will bring ham, potatoes, sweet potato casserole, and my son's mother-in-law will be bringing something called Frog Eye Salad. Have y'all heard of that? I never had before and I had some last year at a family gathering. It's got this tiny round pasta that you cook and then add fruit to it and whipped cream/sour cream dressing, I think, and serve it cold. It was very, very good.

I hope you all have a blessed weekend and I'll see you back here Sunday.

Leeann

My foot hurts

2008-03-06T16:18:00.002-05:00

Okay, a little whining. My left foot hurts. I think I have tendonitis or something because the inside of my ankle swells a little after I've been walking or standing on it for a long time. Okay, I'm through.

It's been a lovely day off for me. I went to the phone co. and got signed up for service at our new place and the customer service rep. was none other than our new neighbor. And she and her husband are the only neighbors we can see from our place! She was very nice and friendly and when I sat down, she said that she and her co-workers had been talking about me. I guess I looked surprised and she said, "well, when you called to get information, the receptionist knew you were moving to the property next to mine and said you sounded very nice on the phone"! I thought that was very kind and I love the fact that it's a small community and everyone knows each other and looks out for each other. I know there is a down side to that, too, but Sam and I are pretty private people and we always figure if someone wants to gossip about us, they'll have to make stuff up. At any rate, I think we're going to like it out there. Oh, she also introduced to me to another woman that lives on our road and they like to walk when the weather is warm and said they would invite me to join them sometimes. They are both close to my age and it seems like we might have a lot in common.

I am gonna go put my foot up and ice it a little to see if that helps. I will get to a doctor when we get settled and see what can be done...I think I need to rest it more than I do but it's hard when a person works long hours like I do sometimes.

Have a happy Thursday, y'all!

Leeann

Weird weather

2008-03-04T21:54:00.002-05:00

Good evening, all. I wonder how many of you have had weird weather today? It started out very warm this morning when I left for work and that in itself was strange. I'm used to bundling up on my way to work and it was downright balmy. Then as the day progressed, we had heavy rains then sunshine then heavy rains again. About quitting time, the sky turned that greenish/tornado-y color that just about makes me hyperventilate! It's been relatively calm since I've been home but we are under a tornado/thunderstorm watch for about 2 more hours. It's rare to have a tornado up in these mountains, thank goodness, but winds can be very damaging, too.

I had a pretty good day at work. As the weather warms, we get busier and busier at the vet clinic. I am seeing puppies with new eyes these days because I know we'll get another one in the near future. I have mixed emotions about this because I miss Snow Pea so very, very much and I want to give myself enough time to properly grieve for her because otherwise, I will constantly be comparing her to a new puppy and that isn't fair to that new addition to our family. I believe Sam and I will both know when it's time. For now, I deal with missing her and am so grateful that God gave her to us. Sidenote: a client called today (she actually called several times) to talk to me about her new pup. She had to have her 4 year old dog put to sleep last week because she had cancer and I know it was very hard on this woman. Well, she and her husband went to the pound and got a new pup and although she had a few questions for me, she mostly wanted to tell me how much she missed her dog. Now I know as well as the next person how losing a pet hurts and while I was so sorry for her loss, she was quite persistent in her phone calls. At one point, I commiserated with her and shared with her the loss of my little dog and she completely ignored me and just kept on talking about her deceased dog and the new puppy, etc. It hurt my feelings and it made me mad. Sigh.

Well, enough whining for one night. I hope and pray you are all safe and sound this stormy night. By the way, thank you all again for visiting me and for your kind words of encouragement and friendship. My time is very limited on here some evenings and while I intend to visit each and every one of you, it may take a few days. Please know that I look forward to getting to know you and visiting with you.

May God richly bless you,
Leeann

All I can say is Wow!

2008-03-03T20:30:00.002-05:00

It's a real testimony to the influence of one sweet woman named Karen that she was able to persuade you lovely ladies to come visit me. She is a sweetheart and a true friend. Karen, I love you and thank you. Y'all have no idea how reading your comments has blessed me and encouraged me to keep on going. Thank you so much.

I hope everyone had a good Monday. Mine was pretty typical - the usual drama of my co-workers and the busy-ness of a new week. I work in a veterinary hospital and have been in this line of work for 20 years. I managed a practice in Texas for many years but after our move to Tennessee, I decided to slow down and rid myself of the responsibility. So I work the front desk and enjoy just greeting folks and admiring their four legged children. Someone asked me if it was terribly hard to be there the day after I lost my Snow Pea, and I replied that it really wasn't because I knew my grief was understood there better than anywhere else I could be.

We are gearing up for next weekend when we get to see our grandbabies and witness their baptism. I'm sure it will be kinda chaotic with so many family members in my son and daughter-in-law's house and truth be told, I think they are stressing about it. We won't all converge on them at one time so we can all have time with the children but not overwhelm mom and dad. Bless their hearts - they often times don't know if they're coming or going but they are doing a great job. I'm so proud of them.

I forgot to tell y'all that last week, our youngest son had a wreck. He was in a company truck and a young couple pulled out in front of him and he didn't have time to stop. The girl jumped out, went into a corner store and bought a lighter, then took off on foot. Apparently, she was high on something and may have had a warrant out for her arrest. The guy didn't have insurance and no job. He did get a ticket. My son said he didn't know how that girl could get out and walk off because he hit her side of the truck they were in. Maybe she was like a ragdoll if she was -ahem- not sober, so it didn't hurt her. I'm just so grateful our boy wasn't hurt. He did let his girl take him to the e.r. to check him out and thankfully, he was okay. Talk about scaring the mess out of me. You just never stop worrying about your children, no matter how old they are.

I pray you all have a good night's rest tonight. Thank you for coming by to see me.

Long time gone

2008-03-02T17:03:00.002-05:00

I didn't mean to be gone so long. But you know, aside from the everyday things of life that have kept me occupied, I'm not happy with my blog. I found myself going in a direction that I didn't want to and even made a comment about changing that, but it didn't happen. I have been very discouraged because aside from one very loyal reader/friend, I get no comments. I don't have the bells and whistles on here like most of you talented ladies out there and I dearly love to visit your sites. I just wanted a forum where other women could share things with me and I haven't established that here at all. It's no one's fault but my own and I'm not sure how I want to remedy that. I may stop altogether or start another one or just work on this one. Perhaps I've given up too quickly?

Well, I will share my news with anyone that is interested. First of all, Sam and I have bought our little farm and couldn't be more excited. We've begun taking things out there and we'll be having one big box burning by the end of the move! I never want to see another moving box/roll of packing tape again. This little farm is so good for our souls. It's so quiet that it is sometimes deafening. We have stood outside in the twilight and the only sounds we heard were cows on the hill next to us chewing grass. We can see the outlines of headstones across the way on a little hill from us and at night, some of them have glowing crosses that is beautiful but creepy. I can't wait for our sons to see those...it will delight them. (boys are always boys, right?)

Next weekend, we get to see our beautiful baby granddaughters as they will be baptized. It's been too long. There has been so much flu running rampant in our area that we cancelled a trip last week to see them for fear of taking that bug to them and I would die before I made those babies sick. It will be a sweet time next weekend and an emotional one for this grandma.

I went to the eye dr. last week and learned that the constant blurriness in one of my eyes is due to a cataract. After getting over the shock of hearing that term, I learned that people as young as 40 can get them. (I'm early 50's) The dr. said that although I was young, it wasn't unheard of and having Lasik surgery would not help at this stage. I'm terribly near-sighted and was hoping he would tell me I am a good candidate. But the good news is that insurance pays for cataract surgery and I should have almost 20/20 vision in that eye when all is said and done. I still have a hard time saying "cataract"! Oh, it's a joy to get old. Seriously, I have a lot to be grateful for and wouldn't be young again for anything.

I hope you all have a blessed Sunday and will bear with me as I decide what direction to take here.

Leeann

p.s. To my friend, Karen....thank you for your faithfulness and friendship.

Roast beef Sunday

2008-02-17T19:12:00.002-05:00

Did y'all typically have roast beef on Sundays growing up? We did and although I don't adhere to the tradition as much as my mom did, it's still a good thing and a comfort. I have a feeling my mom would have enjoyed utilizing a crock pot as much as I do but to be honest, mine never tastes as good as hers did. My mother wasn't the best cook in the world - not because she didn't do what she did well but because she wasn't adventurous at all in the kitchen. Making spaghetti once a month was quite the culinary adventure for her and we always had the same odd side dishes to go with it....cole slaw and crackers. My normal friends' moms' had salad and garlic bread with theirs but not mine. But you know what? You should try it....it works. Trust me. Anyway, my dad was a very good cook and actually liked to cook with onions, garlic, and spices, to some degree. He was a cook in the Army and went to some kind of cooking school during his time there. He was very proud of his service, as well he should be, and was particularly proud of his skill for choosing the best meat - anytime, anywhere. He often critiqued meals that he ate away from home and claimed that although the Outback had "pretty good steaks", they didn't meet his high standards. I loved my parents and their eccentricities. I miss them both terribly.

It's been a cloudy, windy, gray day here in the mountains. My kind of Sunday! I don't look forward to going to work this week but thankfully, I work part time and that suits me just fine. I can contribute to our household and still have my housewife time, which I treasure. We are so looking forward to moving to our new house soon and making it ours. This is an answer to many long years of prayer for us. We've always wanted to live in the country and now we will. God is so good. I look forward to seeing what kinds of animals we might see out there. I'm secretly hoping for a bear or two....from a distance, mind you. But then again, maybe not. Well, maybe one that I can only see through binoculars.

I hope you all sleep tight and have peaceful dreams. I'm off to get ready for my week.

Sam

2008-02-14T14:45:00.002-05:00

Sam is my husband. He is my best friend. He loves me in the truest sense of the word. It's what he does - he loves me.

We tell everyone that we've known each other all of our lives. While that may not be technically true, we are each other's second half. What a rare gift we have been given and we know how blessed we are by God. Sam and I have our own special language, meant only for one another. He can make me laugh louder and cry harder and feel deeper and love more wholly than any other human being. He is my protector, my confidante, my joy, my heart, and my lifelong love. There is nowhere else I would rather be than with my Sam. He has wiped my tears at the passing of my daddy, my brother, and my little dog. He takes care of me when I'm sick or hurting. He washes dishes for me after supper. He feeds our little animals faithfully every night. He does everything in his power to make my life easier, sweeter, and truer. He understands me like no other human being. He never makes me feel stupid or ugly or silly. He knows just what I mean when I need to not explain myself.

Sam is very handsome and I'm so proud to be his wife. For the life of me, I don't know what he sees in me but I am grateful he sees beyond my exterior because I know he loves me inside and out. I seek his advice above all others and treasure his wisdom. He is so smart that it's scary sometimes. He is so funny and so quick witted and on occasion, has made me almost wet my pants from laughing so hard. I love him so.

Sam is the best husband, dad, and PaPa in this world. His family is blessed to have him as our head.

He makes me want to be a better woman and I love him immeasurably. I love you, Sam. Happy Valentine's Day.

Back pain

2008-02-10T11:32:00.000-05:00

Oh, I could sure use some advice. I have had a backache for several days now and I'm not getting a lot of relief. It seems to be focused on one side - I think I mis-stepped or twisted it somehow but at any rate, I am having a hard time getting comfortable. The pain is across my lower back. If any of you ladies have had this problem and can offer some suggestions, I'm open to them and will be very grateful.

We are having a windy, cold day today. Sam went to church this morning and I stayed home to rest. I hated missing, as always, but especially because we were having the Lord's Supper today and I hate not being able to partake. I am comforted in knowing that my church family will be praying for me this week as I wait on my back to feel better.

There isn't much to report today. We are still missing our little Snow Pea terribly and I still find myself looking for her, but not as much. It's finally sinking in that she's gone. I will probably ask for her ashes to be returned to me this week. I anticipate the horrible feeling I'll have as I hold a tiny box with her ashes knowing that that container has more love and devotion in it than can be measured. I miss her.

I pray you have a peaceful Sunday and please send any backache remedies this way if you are so inclined. Thank you.

Grateful

2008-02-06T21:00:00.000-05:00

I'm so grateful that my loved ones were not hurt during last night's horrific storms. I am also very saddened by the tragic loss of many lives. It's a hard thing to understand....seeing God's might in such dramatic ways. It's as though you see death's hand reaching out from the sky and plucking life up randomly when you watch tornadoes. I've had a couple of close calls and it is a horrifying experience.

My elderly mother-in-law lives in the path of tornadoes. She lives alone and doesn't drive. She also is not able to move around easily in her small home anymore so we were very worried about her being able to get to safety last night. Thankfully, she was feeling pretty spry and was able to maneuver well yesterday and even though she didn't have to retreat to her bathroom for shelter, we were comforted to know that she could get there if she needed to.

I am facing tomorrow with sadness as it will be one week that I lost my little dog. It will also be the first day off I've had in many, many years that I haven't had her to spend it with me. It is getting easier day by day but I know it will be a long, long time before I can think of her without a stab of pain in my heart. My Sam feels the same way. We feel as though we've lost a child. We have two cats that we love dearly but since losing little Snow Pea, I am afraid we haven't made much of an effort to interact with them. We know that they need our love, too, and are probably missing their little friend, so we are making a concerted effort to show them extra love now. We will all be blessed for it.

I am off to soak in a nice, hot bath. I've had a backache for a couple of days now and it's starting to really get on my nerves. Hope you have a pleasant and peaceful night.

I'm back

2008-02-03T17:55:00.001-05:00

I wasn't sure if I would get back in the groove of posting or not, but I have missed it.

Nothing major had happened in my life up until this past Monday (more on that shortly) but I just had so much going on with everyday life that I had no energy left for sharing my thoughts. I did miss this, though. As far as my beautiful granddaughters, they are doing well. I stayed with my kids to help out week before last and had some wonderful bonding time with the babies. They are still on monitors but I am hoping they are taken off of those this week. I don't really think they are needed now and I fear that my son and daughter-in-law have become somewhat dependent on them. The babies are almost 7 and 8 lbs. respectively and will be two months old tomorrow and even if the monitors went off, it was a technical problem and not a medical one. Besides, when this grandma stayed there and took the "night shift", I would not drift off to sleep because I was so fearful that the danged monitor would go off and I wouldn't hear it. So....the first night I was there, I was up all night and didn't go to sleep until 6:30 a.m. then got up at 10. That wasn't fun. I was pretty punchy by the next night and I did get to sleep somewhat well. At any rate, they are growing and adorable and I love them so much.

After that week, hubby and I found a house and piece of property that we really liked. It has 4 acres and a house built in 1950 with beautiful hardwood floors and a fireplace (a requirement for me) and a PERFECT spot for a hot tub some day. (wink wink) We decided to throw caution to the wind and see about getting it. Well, lo and behold, we made an offer, it was accepted, and we will sign the loan papers tomorrow (we are pre-approved). I won't get too excited until it's all said and done because sometimes I put the cart before the horse. But for now, we think it will be ours. It's surrounded by mountains and there are hills with cows grazing right next to our place, which is one of the loveliest sights in the world to me. It will be fun to renovate the outdated bathrooms and kitchen and to make it ours. And there is a huge spot for a garden.

Okay, now back to Monday and the major thing that happened. I took my little dog to be groomed. That night, when I got home, I noticed she was breathing hard and had a disturbing cough which sounded to me like a heart problem. I took her to the vet. Tuesday and it was discovered that she had a grossly enlarged heart with lots of fluid retention. She was put on 4 different types of medication and I was told that we would know in a few days if it would work or not. By Thursday morning, it was clear to me that she was suffering. She couldn't lay her head down to sleep because it would obstruct her breathing and she was so tired. I loved her too much to let her suffer and I made the agonizing decision to have her put to sleep. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. I have had her since she was born and I loved her more than I can measure. She was my little shadow and my friend.

We chose to have her cremated and Sam will bury her little ashes at our farm, on a hill. I would rather have buried her without cremating her but I couldn't go off and leave her buried at this rental house and I couldn't wait another month until we move to keep her body frozen, so this was the best option for us.

Please pray for Sam and me as we are deeply grieving. Our house is so empty now and my fingers ache to stroke her again.

The calm after the storm

2008-01-13T12:52:00.000-05:00

It's been a rough week for me and I just simply had no energy to blog, much less try to maintain some semblance of a normal life. I'll just say that I had my feelings hurt by someone due to miscommunication. Things are resolved and all is right with the world once more.

My granddaughters went home from the hospital last Monday so Sam and I are gearing up for a visit later this week. I will take a couple of days off from work to go "help out" (read: hold and love and cuddle those baby girls) and Sam and I will finally get to put our burgeoning grandparent skills to the test. I have to say that I cannot wait to see my beloved holding his tiny granddaughters in his arms. They are doing well although still on heart/breathing monitors. Mommy and Daddy are very tired as is the other grandmother due to every 3 hour feedings/medicating but they are thriving and growing as they should. It looks as though they will be identical which tickles me to death! They are already getting confused as to who is who and I am anxious to get a closer look to see if I can tell the difference. Call me arrogant, but I'll bet I can find an obscure indentation in an ear or a hair or two that goes a different direction. If not, that's okay, too, because we can always paint their tiny toenails different colors.

Supper tonight will be a roasted chicken, baked potatoes, and green beans....slow cooked....mmmmm. I don't do veggies that are cooked only until "crisp-tender". Nope, I want them cooked half to death with a little bacon grease thrown in for good measure. Oh, and a pinch of sugar because as my mother taught me, it brings out the flavor of the vegetable.

I hope you all have a restful, lovely Sunday. Oh, by the way, Sam and I went and looked at a piece of property that we really love. It's an older house with the original hardwood floors and a fireplace (!) and sits on a few acres of gorgeous land. It is surrounded by mountains and valleys and we loved it. Would you please pray that the Lord provides a way for us to have this place if it's in His will? I would appreciate it very, very much as it has been our desire for a long time to own our own home with enough space to garden and have a few animals.

Now I think I'll go read for a bit. I just finished the book "Ninety Minutes In Heaven" by Don Piper. It's very good and so inspirational and I highly recommend it. I found great comfort in his words and I think you will, too.

Stormy weather

2008-01-07T21:36:00.000-05:00

I just mentioned to Karen over at Karen's Korner that I saw where they were having storms in her neck of the woods. I told her that tornadoes are very frightening to me and I used to have nightmares about them. They started when my mom was diagnosed with cancer in 1990 (stress does weird things) and there was a certain order to them. I averaged about one a month. They would start out with me being in a place and there were storm warnings and a threat of tornadoes but no immediate danger. Well, as the years went on, the dreams got scarier until finally I was in a building, laying on the floor and a tornado hit the building and I slid across the floor, but I did survive. I never had one after that. The end of my nightmares coincided with the end of my mother's life. Isn't that strange but beautiful, in a way?

My baby granddaughters may be released from the hospital as I type this. The kids were told Saturday that today might be the day and of course, they are both petrified. Babies will go home on monitors and with meds to treat reflux and something else, I don't recall what. I am grateful that daughter-in-law has had this past month to recuperate from the c-section because she will need all the strength she can muster for this next phase. I will go down there from time to time to help out as time allows until she can get a routine going and handle things on her own. My son will have a short break from seminary next week so he can help her out. Bless their hearts.

Sam and I went to a visitation tonight at a local funeral home. The man that died was our church's pianist's husband. They just celebrated 51 years of marriage. He was diagnosed with cancer only a few months ago and it took him so quickly. As we were standing in line waiting to pay our respects, I was watching people (my favorite pastime) and mentioned to Sam that there are certain types of folks that seem to really love going to funerals and visitations. You see them searching the room with expectant looks on their faces, hoping to see an old school mate or a friend, and then they wave and slap each other on the back or hug each other with such delight. I wonder if maybe they are just so glad to be alive that it makes them giddy. I just wonder about things like that, don't you?

We came home and ate a late supper of tacos so we're staying up a little later than normal to let them settle in our tummies.

Sweet dreams to you all.

Cold Friday

2008-01-04T08:24:00.000-05:00

Good morning to all...it's very cold here in the mountains. I think it might be about 13 degrees as I type this. It is sunny, though, and promises to be a beautiful day. I have to work this afternoon for a bit and also in the morning.

We had a lovely evening yesterday. It was Sam's birthday and we were invited to have dinner with a dear friend of ours. She is in her late 80's but as active if not more so than me! She fixed the best dinner plus a chocolate cake for dessert. I love her for many reasons but a big one is that she's so easy to talk to. She is a deep thinker and she just "gets" things, you know? She and I have had some heart-to-heart talks about things that are troubling each of us and I always go away being so grateful to have her in my life. We've only known each other for two years but we clicked right away. She has helped me as I've transitioned into being a mother-in-law as she has a married son, too, and her insights have really changed my perspective on things. I have learned that it can be different when you are the mother-in-law to a young woman because as much as I love her and have looked forward to having a daughter-in-law, I still will always take a back seat to her mother, and I guess that is how it should be. My daughter-in-law also has all of her grandparents, lots of aunts and uncles, and a huge circle of friends. I've struggled with needing her to need me, if you know what I mean and it came to me several months ago that she really doesn't. I know she cares for me and I'm so grateful that we have a good relationship but I don't think she fully appreciates how much I want to be there for her. She's very young and time as well as motherhood might make her see things differently but for now, I must be patient and allow things to develop naturally. I am very close to my sons and for that, I am most grateful to God. But married son is so busy with school, work, and his new role as a daddy that he and I aren't able to just have leisurely talks like we used to and I do miss that. I kinda feel like I'm out of the loop, sometimes. If anyone has a similar situation that you would like to share with me, I'm all ears, because it does help knowing others that are going through the same struggles.

I wish you all a very happy and blessed Friday.

On this first day of the new year....

2008-01-01T09:28:00.000-05:00

I have many prayers. First and foremost, that my family is healthy and safe and happy. That God protects us and is merciful to us. I specifically pray for continued strength and good health for my darling granddaughters. I so look forward to holding them and loving them as they are released from the wires and tubes that have sustained them the last three weeks. I want to sing to them and whisper to them and get to know each of them as their personalities take shape.

My second prayer is for a home of our own. I scour the paper every day in hopes of finding just the right place for me and Sam. I know it's there and I must practice patience because God does things in His own time and that's good. I tend toward impatience when I want something so much but when I try to work on my own timetable rather than the Lord's, I mess up every time. So, I place this desire in His loving hands and wait on the outcome.

My other prayers include happiness and peace in the workplace for my husband and that God uses Sam's considerable talents to glorify Him. I pray for good health for us all and for prosperity. Sam and I would like for me to be able to quit working and be a homemaker full time so perhaps this new year will bring that dream to fruition.

As for today, Sam and I are enjoying a day off together. The clouds are gathering with a promise of snow (woohoo!) later today or tonight. I will prepare our traditional black eyed peas and cabbage along with some pan fried pork chops for supper tonight as we end the first day of 2008.

Happy New Year, y'all.

Post Christmas

2007-12-29T21:26:00.000-05:00

I have not been far away but merely regrouping after a hectic couple of weeks. I'm glad to be back and look forward to sharing news with you.

First of all, the baby girls are getting a bit stronger day by day. They have gained some weight....baby A weighs 5 lbs. 2 oz. and baby B is 4 lbs. 8 oz. They still have episodes of apnea and so they are still in the NICU. We're hoping that they can go home in a week or so. Mommy is getting better, as well.

Our younger son spent a few days with us at Christmas and it was wonderful having him home. He's so bright, funny, and easy to talk to and it made our Christmas so much richer by having him with us. It was very hard for this Mom to tell him goodbye at the airport but I know we'll be seeing him again soon.

Sam and I got all of our Christmas stuff put away today and boy, does it feel good. I love this time of year but for some reason, it took me a while to get in the holiday spirit. I think it may be because I was distracted by the birth of the twins and also because we are looking to buy a bigger house and I think I'm mentally moving out of this house and therefore not as interested in the details like decorating for holidays, although it was pretty and cozy (i.e. small) in here. We had to run over to my son's in-laws' house for a minute tonight and I got a load of their tree....it is HUGE.....about 2 stories tall or something like that. Their house is very large and they had a fire going and so many lovely decorations and I admit to feeling a bit envious for a moment but you know, I wouldn't trade what I have for all of the huge houses in the world or for anyone else's life....I have what I need right here. Still, I am honestly ready to make one last move to a home that will fit our family comfortably with a little bit of land for some animals and a garden.

I hope you all have a blessed Sunday and sleep tight tonight.

Cold hands and a warm heart

2007-12-21T11:32:00.000-05:00

It's cold here this morning but I do have a warm heart because we get to see younger son in almost 24 hours!! We're so happy to have him with us. Older son wishes we could stay with them tomorrow night but younger son wants us to himself, I believe, after a short and sweet visit with his brother and new nieces. The babies are doing better each day and are taking their bottles so well, praise God. They'll be home before you know it. I hope Mommy and Daddy are getting lots of rest because their lives will never be the same once the children are home.

I have to go in to work in a bit then I will gear up for a busy Saturday. I am looking forward to getting home tomorrow night with #2 son and just enjoying each other's company and cooking for him and just being with him. He's so much fun to be around and a joy to Sam and me. I never thought that in my life, I would go nearly a year without seeing one of my sons but they do grow up and live on their own and so that makes time with them all the more precious.

I hope you all have a good day and safe driving if you're out last minute Christmas shopping.

Foggy morn

2007-12-20T08:19:00.000-05:00

It's very foggy but also very cold here in my neck of the woods. The roads might be a little slippery so I'm waiting a bit before heading out to finish Christmas shopping. I have avoided Wal Mart since before Thanksgiving (I do that every year if at all possible) so hopefully I can find what I need elsewhere. I didn't know my granddaughters were going to be here before the holiday so I will get something special for their first Christmas.....maybe their first teddy bears. I looked a little yesterday on my lunch hour and I tell you, it's very hard to find a regular teddy bear. They all were crazy colors and they were just ugly. I know what I want but am having a hard time finding two soft brown bears. I also thought about getting them a Precious Moments keepsake....remember those? I have a small collection of figurines that my sons gave me over the years and thought it might be nice to start a collection for the little girls. I also collect miniatures and have several shadow boxes that I just love and I want to start one for each of them one day when they're a little older. I love tradition, don't y'all? I think the older I get, the more sentimental I've become and things take on a whole new meaning because I want to leave something behind for the next generations. I'm not very talented as far as sewing or crafts, but I can cook and have worked on recipe books for a long time to share with my children and grandchildren.

I hope you all have a safe and happy day. I will get to see the babies this weekend, Lord willing, and will be taking younger son with us to visit. He will only be here a few days from Texas but we'll enjoy every second we get to be with him. The babies have been put together finally in an isolette but will remain in the hospital for a while yet. They are still being fed through a tube with a supplemental bottle twice a day. The goal is for them to take 8 bottles a day so they have a ways to go. I thank God for their precious lives and pray for continued strength for them.

Have a blessed day.

Baby Baby

2007-12-17T21:31:00.000-05:00

Sam and I had the best Christmas gift ever. We got to hold AND feed our tiny granddaughters Saturday night. The kids called and said "please come...we need you." How can a mother/grandma say no to that?? Not this one, I assure you. We threw clothes in the car and headed 2 hours south. We visited with tired momma and daddy then headed for the hospital. After a few minutes with their parents, the little ones were handed over to Sam and me to hold and feed. We sat side by side and after the babies each started drinking their little bottles of milk, my husband and I looked at each other and smiled. We are so close that we shared the same thought and that was - we will never forget this moment as long as we live. After a rushed trip back to the hospital at 2 in the morning to deliver milk, Sam and son came back and we all got some rest. The babies did not have a good day yesterday, so I ask for prayer for them.

My son's mother-in-law is able to be there for the next few weeks to help out and while I confess to being a bit envious, I'm very grateful that she is able to do this. I sometimes wish we could live right next door and be there at a moment's notice to help out or babysit, but that won't happen and it probably shouldn't. They will find their rhythm and do just fine. I'm struck at how seriously our son is taking his fatherhood role and couldn't be prouder of him. He's a devoted husband and loves his little daughters so much.

The icing on the cake of this month is that our younger son will be flying here next Saturday to spend Christmas with us and meet his two nieces. We haven't seen him in nearly a year and this momma is sure excited at the prospect of spending time with him. I miss him so much but am glad he's happy in his life. I couldn't ask for more, could I?

Have a blessed night and sweet dreams.

Observations

2007-12-13T20:39:00.000-05:00

Is it me or has anyone else noticed how rude people seem to be this Christmas season? I got caught up today on some last minute shopping and almost every cashier was grumbling about her job and how they were going to apply elsewhere so they could make more money, etc. all with a plastered smile on their face as they waited on me. It's very disconcerting and certainly doesn't lend to the "holiday spirit". Sam and I also noticed that most of the nurses that were caring for our little granddaughters were in the same mood.....harsh, grumpy, rough, and some were downright rude. He and I were waiting outside of our daughter-in-law's room for a few minutes while a nurse was with her and another nurse popped her head out of a room quite a distance down the hall and wanted to know who we were waiting on. We told her and she then said for us to go wait in the lobby and "someone would come get us". If you knew Sam you would understand that this did not sit well with him and although I meekly turned and did as I was instructed (not happy about it, though), he turned toward said nurse and folded his arms while burning a hole through her with his look. She went away and since I had gone to sit down, he followed but I believe he wishes I had stayed and stared her down, too. Hateful-acting thing. (the nurse, not Sam)

We're about to call and get an update on the girls. We are waiting for the word that they are not tied to iv's, oxygen, and the like and we can finally hold those precious children. I want to feel them, smell them, and whisper my love to them. I know they won't remember any of it, but it's momentous to this grandma. I can secretly hope that somewhere in the recesses of their minds, they'll know me and my immeasurable love for them.

It's getting colder here and may even snow this weekend. Woo-hoo! That would be great as long as it doesn't impede our travel plans. Our youngest son's birthday is Sat. and then one week from then, he will be flying up here from Texas to spend Christmas with us. My heart will be absolutely overflowing with love and gratitude for all that God has done for our little family. It is now.

I bid you all a good night with sweet dreams.

Twin Blessings

2007-12-11T22:49:00.000-05:00

Last night at 10:30, my tiny, beautiful granddaughters were born weighing in at a little over 4 lbs. each. They are absolutely perfect with such tiny faces and golden/red hair. My heart is so full this evening. Mommy is doing pretty well, although I am haunted at how pale she was all day. She had an emergency c-section and her blood pressure keeps dropping at different times of the day. Please remember her in your prayers. Daddy is ecstatic, proud, grateful, and in awe of these little miracles.

Sam and I are exhausted after only a few hours of sleep last night. Good night and sweet dreams to you all.

The time is near

2007-12-10T20:23:00.000-05:00

This is the beginning of a very special week. You see, I got a call this morning from my son to tell me that his wife's water broke. They are in the hospital right now waiting to see the doctor. She is 6 weeks early and is having contractions as I write this. Sam and I are BESIDE ourselves because we don't know if we should head on down there or do as our son suggested and just wait until the doctor checks our daughter-in-law out. They may decide to keep her on bedrest for a few days so we're on pins and needles here.

I was at work when he called and from that point on, I was rendered useless, as was Sam. We met at home for lunch and breathlessly threw clothes in a suitcase, I loaded up Snow Pea and took her to the kennel. All afternoon at work, I couldn't concentrate and could only see two beautiful little girls that will someday call me "Memaw", Lord willing. We are both antsy and nervous as we wait to hear from son #1.

Please join me in praying that these little ones are born healthy and that our son doesn't fall to pieces! He's very strong but I could tell during our last phone conversation that he's extremely stressed right now. Daughter is in pain and we're all waiting to see these tiny girls.

I will update as soon as I can.

Sniffly

2007-12-08T18:41:00.000-05:00

I've had some head mess for about a week....scratchy throat, lost my voice, watery eyes, runny nose, etc. It's about to get on my nerves.

When I walked in the door after lunch from work this morning, I discovered that Sam had cleaned the house, moved our Christmas tree to a much better spot, cleaned litter boxes, and had candles burning. Isn't he just the best? He makes every single thing in my life special - everything.

It was very misty, cold, cloudy, and a bit foggy all day so after a bite of lunch, I sat on the couch and dozed off in front of the twinkly Christmas tree. I napped for about 20 min. then we ran an errand then ate supper at Cracker Barrel. I love that place. They have beautiful and unique ornaments for the tree plus neat gift ideas. My youngest son used to love watching reruns of the Monkees t.v. show when he was little and would cry if he couldn't watch it every night. They had a dvd of the top 6 most popular episodes and I think I may go back and get it for him as a sort of gag gift. Truth be told, he will probably love it. I actually got to see Davy Jones when I was about 18. He was playing in a celebrity tennis tournament in the Texas town where I lived. He was very small but still cute. I didn't have the nerve to talk to him but then, my crush on him was long gone. Ron Ely was there, too (remember the newer Tarzan?) but I didn't talk to him either. I didn't think Tarzan should have had big dimples.

I'm off to read for a bit now. I hope you all have a peaceful, sweet night.

Oh my...

2007-12-07T13:45:00.000-05:00

Well, I feel silly. Yesterday, Snow Pea ate a little treat shaped like a bone. Apparently she chewed the end of it off and it stuck in her jaw! I felt so silly when the dr. popped it out of her mouth but even more than that, I felt such gratitude that it wasn't what I feared the most.

It's cloudy, cold, and absolutely beautiful here. What a good day!

Getting real

2007-12-06T20:28:00.000-05:00

I toyed with the idea of blogging for many months. I have enjoyed reading other women's blogs and have been inspired by them. I knew that mine would probably be different. I wouldn't have lots of colorful graphics, beautiful music, dancing bears and the like. Not that I wouldn't like that but because I am not well versed in achieving those effects. And I'm not terribly motivated to learn, I'm afraid. No, what I wanted was to simply talk. From the heart of a 50-something woman who has lived life fully and who has many experiences to share and not all of them bubbly and happy and perky. Some of them are sad and gut wrenching and awful. I wanted to write so that I might find others who have shared similar experiences and who might just know what I am talking about. I have linked to many blogs whose authors are stay at home mothers and who have seemingly perfect lives. (I know they don't but you know what I mean.) I call myself a gentle outsider for a reason. I am a Christian, a very happy and blessed wife and mother, and yet I've known heartache and grief and great joy and disappointment. I have a lot to say.

I have a very tiny, older dog that I love very much - Snow Pea. I watched her being born and she has been my shadow for 13+ years. Tonight, as I was petting her, I found a knot on her jaw that I hadn't felt before. My stomach lurched and my blood ran cold because, as is typical of me, I immediately assumed the worst. I am hoping and praying it's an abscessed tooth or something "fixable". She'll go to the vet. first thing in the morning. I know the day is coming when I'll have to tell her goodbye and that is a day I dread more than I can ever express. If you think about her, please say a little prayer on her behalf. She and I would appreciate it very much. I'll let you know the report from the dr. tomorrow night.

Until then, sweet dreams.

Thirty two years

2007-12-04T22:57:00.000-05:00

That's how long I've been a mother. At 7:11 a.m., 32 years ago today, my first son was born. As most of us mothers know, there are no words to describe the moment we see our child for the first time. Awesome, wonderful, great, unbelievable, etc. are words that are matchless to the truth of the moment. It's a God given gift of immeasurable magnitude and one for which I am eternally grateful. Six years later, He gave me one more precious boy. It's an honor and a priviledge to be the mother to these two sons of mine.

May you all be as richly blessed as Sam and I.

Sweet dreams.

Cold Monday

2007-12-03T21:42:00.000-05:00

I've been out of commission for a day or two. After our road trip Saturday to see the children, I was feeling a little bit puny. I had that scratchy throat, you know. Well, when I got up Sunday morning, my voice was all but gone and I felt awful. Sam fixed me a little breakfast and put me on the couch under some blankets and I slept until 3 p.m. which is something I never do. I felt some better when I woke up but I had this nagging headache and couldn't figure out why all the pain medicines I took weren't helping. All of a sudden, I realized I had not had any caffeine in over 24 hours so I drank a glass of diet Dr. Pepper and within 15 minutes, it was gone. Now, this bottle of diet Dr. P has been sitting in a corner of my pantry for two months because I decided to quit all soft drinks for various reasons. I really hate to know that I had to have this "fix" to feel better, but you do what you gotta do, right? The remnants of this sweet liquid sits before me now and I'm about to finish it off. Sigh.

I did go to work today and thankfully, we weren't too busy so I just sat in my little chair and shivered, blew my nose, and huddled up to our little auxilliary heater. Sam had some soup heated up for us (some that I had put in the freezer last week) along with some fresh beer bread and that sure hit the spot. I am married to the most wonderful man, I'll tell you. I am so blessed.

I pray you all have a good night and sweet dreams.

Sweet Saturday night

2007-12-01T23:01:00.000-05:00

Sam and I just got home from spending the sweetest day with oldest son and daughter-in-law. She has gotten so much bigger since we saw her a few weeks ago and if she was having one baby, she would be considered full term. She's holding up well and has such a good attitude. We know she is a bit overwhelmed at times but Sam reminded her and our son that God would not give them these precious little girls if He didn't know that they would be the best parents for them and that they will be well equipped for the task of raising them. We are so excited to meet these little girls! We took the kids out to dinner and then had birthday cake for our son and he opened our gifts to him. When we left, he said he sure wished we could stay all night and if we could have, we would have. I'm just grateful they are only a couple of hours away.

I prepared a few meals for them to pop in the oven from the freezer so that she doesn't have to be on her feet in the kitchen more than necessary. I fixed pinto beans, corn chowder, taco soup, lasagna, and chicken and dumplings. I was so happy to see that other ladies dropped off a few things for them, too. They have a good circle of friends that see to it that she doesn't over exert herself and it's very hard because she's normally very active and feels guilty if she isn't busy doing something. I suspect in a few weeks, she'll be wishing she had a few quiet moments back, don't you?

I think I'm off to bed shortly. I have a bit of a scratchy throat and just feel kinda yuck today so a good night's sleep is in order. I bid you all a good night and y'all sleep tight.

Being a housewife...

2007-11-29T11:10:00.000-05:00

.....is what I love to do more than anything. It's an honorable position and I believe that being a wife and mother is what I was born to be.

I get to be a full time wife every Thursday because it's my day off from work. While my job isn't that bad, there are more cons than pros when working away from home. You know what it's like to work with other women, right? And when you aren't among like-minded people (I'm talking about Christians now) then you are subject to all kinds of ugly behavior. That being said, I've had worse jobs but it's my and Sam's prayer that I can come home soon. My granddaughters will be here before you know it and my son asked me last night if I thought I would be able to quit working anytime in the near future so that I can spend as much time with them as I want. I wish I could have said yes but I just told him I wouldn't let my job interfere with my family and I would be there as much as time allows. I sometimes wish we lived in the same town as they do but we don't know what the future holds and they may eventually move closer to us. That would be wonderful! In the meantime, I need to focus on what God has blessed me with and not have any more pity parties.

I have a pot of black bean soup simmering on the stove for Sam when he comes home for lunch in about an hour. I'm about to bake some cornbread, too. It's in the 40's today so I thought this would be a tummy warming meal. I have no idea what supper will be but I'll cross that bridge later. I sometimes fly by the seat of my pants. Thankfully, I manage to get most of the things done that I need to with little planning but I do work on being more organized. I write myself little notes all during the day as reminders of things that need to be done. Do y'all do that, too? I can be sitting in one room and think of something I need in another and by the time I walk a few steps, I have completely forgotten what I went after. It drives me crazy and does make me wonder about my sanity. I just tell myself that I have such a busy little mind that there just isn't enough room for all of my memories. Either that or I'm suffering from dementia of some sort.

With that, I'll say goodbye for now and hope you all have a good Thursday.

Prayer request

2007-11-27T21:36:00.000-05:00

My beloved sister-in-law's mother passed away last night. Please pray for her as she has lost her husband this year (my brother) and now her mom. She also has lupus and stress almost always triggers a setback. Please pray that God will be merciful to her and protect her.

How was your Tuesday? It was sunny and cool here with a promise of rain later in the week. I looked ahead to next week on the weather site and there was a mention of snow possible but if you're like me, you'll believe it when you see it. I have a co-worker who is going to Disney World next week and can't wait to be in the warmer climate and I just don't see it, honestly. I feel so much better physically when it's cold. Heat saps my energy, makes me grumpy, and I just feel gross! This same co-worker wears longjohns under her work clothes every day even when the temps get to 70 or so! She also has a tower heater thing that she turns on which also sometimes blows on me since we sit side by side and we've had more than one discussion about that thing. We pick at each other and try to be good natured about it, but as I've tried explaining to her..."you'll be in your 50's someday and you'll know what the term hot flash is all about". Y'all know what I'm talking about, huh?

I still haven't finished decorating for Christmas. I hope that I'll have some energy on my day off this week and get that job done. Since we are looking to buy a house one day soon, my enthusiasm for decorating has definitely waned but this is where the Lord wants us for the time being and so I'll decorate and enjoy this Christmas season (and pray that next year we're in a bigger house.) We have to have plenty of room for our granddaughters, you know. Bless their hearts. I love them so much even now - even before they've made their entrance into this world.

I'm off to soak in a hot bath...mmmm....sounds wonderful, doesn't it? I hope you all have a wonderful evening and sleep tight.

Steak and potatoes

2007-11-26T21:47:00.000-05:00

That is what I was craving for supper tonight. It was a crazy day at work and I was so tired so Sam and I decided to go out for a steak dinner. I was not disappointed.

I've had a full day, I have a full tummy, and my flannel sheets beckon me. Y'all have sweet dreams. Night, night.

A soft Sunday

2007-11-25T14:17:00.000-05:00

I pray you are having a blessed Lord's Day. It's cloudy and cool here, which I love, and all is right with the world. Sam and I are Reformed Christians and we love our little church. We live in a particularly beautiful area of the South and are surrounded by mountains. Our church is on a hilltop in the country and the view as we step out of church every Sunday reminds us of God's glory and we still pinch ourselves that we get to live here. Sam and I moved here from Texas almost two years ago and although I dearly love Texas because I was born and raised there, we have fallen in love with our new home. Our oldest son lives about 2 hours from us so when my granddaughters are born, we'll be able to see them much more often. My youngest son is still in Texas and I miss him terribly. But he attends college and is in a serious relationship with a young lady so I know he's happy where he is and thankfully, we can talk as often as we like by phone. (Thank the Lord for unlimited long distance.) This has been a bittersweet Thanksgiving as my parents are both deceased (my mom in '93 and my daddy in '03) and my only sibling, a brother, died very suddenly in January. Even with my Sam by my side and the love of my children, I miss my family so much and often feel very alone. It's very weird knowing you're the last one left of your birth family.

Okay, on to other things. We're going to decorate for Christmas today. I've been rather ambivalent about it this year and I'm usually really anxious to get my stuff put out and get the tree up and decorated. But Sam pointed out to me that I might be feeling depressed - my brother's death hit me very hard and was so senseless. You see, he had abused his body with drugs (legal and otherwise) for most of his life and he died as result of bleeding internally. His wife and one of his precious daughters witnessed this. This happened just days after my son's wedding. So - it's been a year of highs and lows and although I miss my brother terribly, I pray he's in a better place. He professed to be a Christian and I do believe that anyone who could abuse themselves that way had to be mentally ill to some degree and could still be a Christian, so I comfort myself with that knowledge.

I just read the above and realize this isn't exactly the feel good post of the year, is it? Well, it's part of my life and who I am so there's no point in pretending otherwise. This life is a vale of tears but even during the lowest times, God is faithful and merciful and I am very blessed.

I have a roast in the crockpot that smells soooo good and I need to decide what to fix to go with that. We have about eaten up the last of the turkey and things from Thanksgiving so I need to work on a menu for the upcoming week. I have found that having a menu really helps me when I buy groceries and it keeps me from wondering what on earth I'm gonna fix for supper that night. As I've mentioned before, I do love to cook but the hardest part for me is deciding what to have. Sam is so easy to cook for and is very appreciative of whatever I prepare for our meals and he's a huge help in the kitchen. I don't get home from work most nights until after 6 so he will either help get supper started or offers to wash dishes afterward so I can rest. He is the best husband imaginable.

I hope the remainder of your Sunday is restful, joyful, and serene.

Antiques and Fleas

2007-11-24T16:30:00.000-05:00

Sam and I just got back home from shopping at a couple of antique/flea markets in our downtown area. It's so beautiful down there and although there are mostly antique stores and a few cafes down there, it does take me back to my childhood in Texas when my mother and I would go shopping. The only place to go shopping back then was downtown and I recall vividly how everything looked and mostly smelled. Do you remember the hot summer days when you would walk through those heavy glass doors (which were kind of yellow-tinted) and the cold air would hit you in the face? And the smell....it was new clothes/leather smelling and intoxicating to me. There was always the gumball machine sitting there by the entrance and I loved dropping my penny into the silver slot and pushing the little lever from one side to the other and wondering what color would pop out....my favorite being either red or blue. Those were such sweet days. Anyway, back to my shopping trip. We were on a mission - I want a ceramic Christmas tree. We didn't have one when I was little but Sam's family did and his mom still has two of them left. They are so cute and colorful and nostalgic. My dear mother-in-law isn't going to part with them any time soon so I would like to find one of my own. We didn't have any success today, though, but I did come across an old recipe book that is full of clippings and handwritten recipes. I just peeked at a few of them and realized what a treasure I had found for $2.00! I'll share more with you as I hopefully discover some old, if not yummy, recipes.

Work was okay today. It was tiresome because we weren't terribly busy and it made the morning crawl. I have a co-worker who gets on my nerves most days and today was no exception. She is a very talkative person and never, ever stops talking - ever. I try to tune her out without being rude but it's about impossible. At any rate, once I get home, I have to decompress for a few minutes in complete silence, if at all possible, just to get the droning out my head.

I should head to the kitchen and see what I can do with some pork chops I have thawed. I LOVE to cook and I'll share my menus with you along with some recipes from time to time.

Y'all have a good evening.

Lagniappe (a little bit more)

2007-11-23T23:02:00.000-05:00

.....about me.

It's taken me a while to figure out how on earth to do this, and I'm sure this will be one of the more unadorned blogs you'll read. But then again, I'm kinda plain and simple myself. I've learned to make things easy on myself most of the time... plus I have a very hard time making decisions, so the very fact that I'm actually doing this is quite remarkable.

Okay, a little bit more about me. I am married to Sam and we have two grown sons, one of whom is married and about to make me a grandmother to twin girls! We have a little old dog, Snow Pea, and two weird cats and two even weirder parakeets. But I don't think anyone else would love them or take care of them like we could, so we treasure them. I'll fill you in on more about my 2-legged and 4-legged loved ones as time goes on.

I wanted to start this yesterday because I thought Thanksgiving was an appropriate day for this undertaking. I do have so much I'm grateful for. It was that strange aversion I have to making decisions that kept me from starting this yesterday so here I am.

I work part time as an office manager in a small, family owned business. I only work 4 hours on Fridays so I went in this afternoon. I would have preferred being at home with Sam. We love being together more than anything in this world and so every moment together is precious to us. Our kids weren't able to be with us yesterday for the holiday. Our youngest son lives in another state (attending college) and our oldest is a couple of hours from us but can't travel due to my daughter-in-law's pregnancy. The babies are due in two months but she's not allowed to travel anymore until the birth. We'll go see them in the next week or two and I'll prepare some meals for them to put in the freezer so she doesn't have to be on her feet too much. I cannot wait to meet my granddaughters - God has richly blessed me.

I love bad weather. Not tornadoes - that's another story. But cold, windy, snowy, sleety, thundery-lightening-y - ummm...did I mention cold?.....those are the days I like. My family is like that, too. I get sad on sunny Sundays. Do any of y'all dread Sundays, too? I don't know why I do, although I suspect there is some dark reason for it. I can tolerate some sunny days besides Sunday, but after a few weeks of the cheerful look, I'm ready for glorious gloom. How about you?

It's late and I'm just mentally exhausted trying to figure out how to get started on this thing. I think it will be a joyful journey and I really look forward to sharing my thoughts on life and the challenges of being middle-aged with you. As I mentioned in my "about me" thingy, I don't necessarily fit into a particular category. I hope you have a pleasant night and sweet dreams.