Post Christmas

I have not been far away but merely regrouping after a hectic couple of weeks. I'm glad to be back and look forward to sharing news with you.

First of all, the baby girls are getting a bit stronger day by day. They have gained some weight....baby A weighs 5 lbs. 2 oz. and baby B is 4 lbs. 8 oz. They still have episodes of apnea and so they are still in the NICU. We're hoping that they can go home in a week or so. Mommy is getting better, as well.

Our younger son spent a few days with us at Christmas and it was wonderful having him home. He's so bright, funny, and easy to talk to and it made our Christmas so much richer by having him with us. It was very hard for this Mom to tell him goodbye at the airport but I know we'll be seeing him again soon.

Sam and I got all of our Christmas stuff put away today and boy, does it feel good. I love this time of year but for some reason, it took me a while to get in the holiday spirit. I think it may be because I was distracted by the birth of the twins and also because we are looking to buy a bigger house and I think I'm mentally moving out of this house and therefore not as interested in the details like decorating for holidays, although it was pretty and cozy (i.e. small) in here. We had to run over to my son's in-laws' house for a minute tonight and I got a load of their tree....it is HUGE.....about 2 stories tall or something like that. Their house is very large and they had a fire going and so many lovely decorations and I admit to feeling a bit envious for a moment but you know, I wouldn't trade what I have for all of the huge houses in the world or for anyone else's life....I have what I need right here. Still, I am honestly ready to make one last move to a home that will fit our family comfortably with a little bit of land for some animals and a garden.

I hope you all have a blessed Sunday and sleep tight tonight.

Cold hands and a warm heart

It's cold here this morning but I do have a warm heart because we get to see younger son in almost 24 hours!! We're so happy to have him with us. Older son wishes we could stay with them tomorrow night but younger son wants us to himself, I believe, after a short and sweet visit with his brother and new nieces. The babies are doing better each day and are taking their bottles so well, praise God. They'll be home before you know it. I hope Mommy and Daddy are getting lots of rest because their lives will never be the same once the children are home.

I have to go in to work in a bit then I will gear up for a busy Saturday. I am looking forward to getting home tomorrow night with #2 son and just enjoying each other's company and cooking for him and just being with him. He's so much fun to be around and a joy to Sam and me. I never thought that in my life, I would go nearly a year without seeing one of my sons but they do grow up and live on their own and so that makes time with them all the more precious.

I hope you all have a good day and safe driving if you're out last minute Christmas shopping.

Foggy morn

It's very foggy but also very cold here in my neck of the woods. The roads might be a little slippery so I'm waiting a bit before heading out to finish Christmas shopping. I have avoided Wal Mart since before Thanksgiving (I do that every year if at all possible) so hopefully I can find what I need elsewhere. I didn't know my granddaughters were going to be here before the holiday so I will get something special for their first Christmas.....maybe their first teddy bears. I looked a little yesterday on my lunch hour and I tell you, it's very hard to find a regular teddy bear. They all were crazy colors and they were just ugly. I know what I want but am having a hard time finding two soft brown bears. I also thought about getting them a Precious Moments keepsake....remember those? I have a small collection of figurines that my sons gave me over the years and thought it might be nice to start a collection for the little girls. I also collect miniatures and have several shadow boxes that I just love and I want to start one for each of them one day when they're a little older. I love tradition, don't y'all? I think the older I get, the more sentimental I've become and things take on a whole new meaning because I want to leave something behind for the next generations. I'm not very talented as far as sewing or crafts, but I can cook and have worked on recipe books for a long time to share with my children and grandchildren.

I hope you all have a safe and happy day. I will get to see the babies this weekend, Lord willing, and will be taking younger son with us to visit. He will only be here a few days from Texas but we'll enjoy every second we get to be with him. The babies have been put together finally in an isolette but will remain in the hospital for a while yet. They are still being fed through a tube with a supplemental bottle twice a day. The goal is for them to take 8 bottles a day so they have a ways to go. I thank God for their precious lives and pray for continued strength for them.

Have a blessed day.

Baby Baby

Sam and I had the best Christmas gift ever. We got to hold AND feed our tiny granddaughters Saturday night. The kids called and said "please come...we need you." How can a mother/grandma say no to that?? Not this one, I assure you. We threw clothes in the car and headed 2 hours south. We visited with tired momma and daddy then headed for the hospital. After a few minutes with their parents, the little ones were handed over to Sam and me to hold and feed. We sat side by side and after the babies each started drinking their little bottles of milk, my husband and I looked at each other and smiled. We are so close that we shared the same thought and that was - we will never forget this moment as long as we live. After a rushed trip back to the hospital at 2 in the morning to deliver milk, Sam and son came back and we all got some rest. The babies did not have a good day yesterday, so I ask for prayer for them.

My son's mother-in-law is able to be there for the next few weeks to help out and while I confess to being a bit envious, I'm very grateful that she is able to do this. I sometimes wish we could live right next door and be there at a moment's notice to help out or babysit, but that won't happen and it probably shouldn't. They will find their rhythm and do just fine. I'm struck at how seriously our son is taking his fatherhood role and couldn't be prouder of him. He's a devoted husband and loves his little daughters so much.

The icing on the cake of this month is that our younger son will be flying here next Saturday to spend Christmas with us and meet his two nieces. We haven't seen him in nearly a year and this momma is sure excited at the prospect of spending time with him. I miss him so much but am glad he's happy in his life. I couldn't ask for more, could I?

Have a blessed night and sweet dreams.

Observations

Is it me or has anyone else noticed how rude people seem to be this Christmas season? I got caught up today on some last minute shopping and almost every cashier was grumbling about her job and how they were going to apply elsewhere so they could make more money, etc. all with a plastered smile on their face as they waited on me. It's very disconcerting and certainly doesn't lend to the "holiday spirit". Sam and I also noticed that most of the nurses that were caring for our little granddaughters were in the same mood.....harsh, grumpy, rough, and some were downright rude. He and I were waiting outside of our daughter-in-law's room for a few minutes while a nurse was with her and another nurse popped her head out of a room quite a distance down the hall and wanted to know who we were waiting on. We told her and she then said for us to go wait in the lobby and "someone would come get us". If you knew Sam you would understand that this did not sit well with him and although I meekly turned and did as I was instructed (not happy about it, though), he turned toward said nurse and folded his arms while burning a hole through her with his look. She went away and since I had gone to sit down, he followed but I believe he wishes I had stayed and stared her down, too. Hateful-acting thing. (the nurse, not Sam)

We're about to call and get an update on the girls. We are waiting for the word that they are not tied to iv's, oxygen, and the like and we can finally hold those precious children. I want to feel them, smell them, and whisper my love to them. I know they won't remember any of it, but it's momentous to this grandma. I can secretly hope that somewhere in the recesses of their minds, they'll know me and my immeasurable love for them.

It's getting colder here and may even snow this weekend. Woo-hoo! That would be great as long as it doesn't impede our travel plans. Our youngest son's birthday is Sat. and then one week from then, he will be flying up here from Texas to spend Christmas with us. My heart will be absolutely overflowing with love and gratitude for all that God has done for our little family. It is now.

I bid you all a good night with sweet dreams.

Twin Blessings

Last night at 10:30, my tiny, beautiful granddaughters were born weighing in at a little over 4 lbs. each. They are absolutely perfect with such tiny faces and golden/red hair. My heart is so full this evening. Mommy is doing pretty well, although I am haunted at how pale she was all day. She had an emergency c-section and her blood pressure keeps dropping at different times of the day. Please remember her in your prayers. Daddy is ecstatic, proud, grateful, and in awe of these little miracles.

Sam and I are exhausted after only a few hours of sleep last night. Good night and sweet dreams to you all.

The time is near

This is the beginning of a very special week. You see, I got a call this morning from my son to tell me that his wife's water broke. They are in the hospital right now waiting to see the doctor. She is 6 weeks early and is having contractions as I write this. Sam and I are BESIDE ourselves because we don't know if we should head on down there or do as our son suggested and just wait until the doctor checks our daughter-in-law out. They may decide to keep her on bedrest for a few days so we're on pins and needles here.

I was at work when he called and from that point on, I was rendered useless, as was Sam. We met at home for lunch and breathlessly threw clothes in a suitcase, I loaded up Snow Pea and took her to the kennel. All afternoon at work, I couldn't concentrate and could only see two beautiful little girls that will someday call me "Memaw", Lord willing. We are both antsy and nervous as we wait to hear from son #1.

Please join me in praying that these little ones are born healthy and that our son doesn't fall to pieces! He's very strong but I could tell during our last phone conversation that he's extremely stressed right now. Daughter is in pain and we're all waiting to see these tiny girls.

I will update as soon as I can.

Sniffly

I've had some head mess for about a week....scratchy throat, lost my voice, watery eyes, runny nose, etc. It's about to get on my nerves.

When I walked in the door after lunch from work this morning, I discovered that Sam had cleaned the house, moved our Christmas tree to a much better spot, cleaned litter boxes, and had candles burning. Isn't he just the best? He makes every single thing in my life special - everything.

It was very misty, cold, cloudy, and a bit foggy all day so after a bite of lunch, I sat on the couch and dozed off in front of the twinkly Christmas tree. I napped for about 20 min. then we ran an errand then ate supper at Cracker Barrel. I love that place. They have beautiful and unique ornaments for the tree plus neat gift ideas. My youngest son used to love watching reruns of the Monkees t.v. show when he was little and would cry if he couldn't watch it every night. They had a dvd of the top 6 most popular episodes and I think I may go back and get it for him as a sort of gag gift. Truth be told, he will probably love it. I actually got to see Davy Jones when I was about 18. He was playing in a celebrity tennis tournament in the Texas town where I lived. He was very small but still cute. I didn't have the nerve to talk to him but then, my crush on him was long gone. Ron Ely was there, too (remember the newer Tarzan?) but I didn't talk to him either. I didn't think Tarzan should have had big dimples.

I'm off to read for a bit now. I hope you all have a peaceful, sweet night.

Oh my...

Well, I feel silly. Yesterday, Snow Pea ate a little treat shaped like a bone. Apparently she chewed the end of it off and it stuck in her jaw! I felt so silly when the dr. popped it out of her mouth but even more than that, I felt such gratitude that it wasn't what I feared the most.

It's cloudy, cold, and absolutely beautiful here. What a good day!

Getting real

I toyed with the idea of blogging for many months. I have enjoyed reading other women's blogs and have been inspired by them. I knew that mine would probably be different. I wouldn't have lots of colorful graphics, beautiful music, dancing bears and the like. Not that I wouldn't like that but because I am not well versed in achieving those effects. And I'm not terribly motivated to learn, I'm afraid. No, what I wanted was to simply talk. From the heart of a 50-something woman who has lived life fully and who has many experiences to share and not all of them bubbly and happy and perky. Some of them are sad and gut wrenching and awful. I wanted to write so that I might find others who have shared similar experiences and who might just know what I am talking about. I have linked to many blogs whose authors are stay at home mothers and who have seemingly perfect lives. (I know they don't but you know what I mean.) I call myself a gentle outsider for a reason. I am a Christian, a very happy and blessed wife and mother, and yet I've known heartache and grief and great joy and disappointment. I have a lot to say.

I have a very tiny, older dog that I love very much - Snow Pea. I watched her being born and she has been my shadow for 13+ years. Tonight, as I was petting her, I found a knot on her jaw that I hadn't felt before. My stomach lurched and my blood ran cold because, as is typical of me, I immediately assumed the worst. I am hoping and praying it's an abscessed tooth or something "fixable". She'll go to the vet. first thing in the morning. I know the day is coming when I'll have to tell her goodbye and that is a day I dread more than I can ever express. If you think about her, please say a little prayer on her behalf. She and I would appreciate it very much. I'll let you know the report from the dr. tomorrow night.

Until then, sweet dreams.

Thirty two years

That's how long I've been a mother. At 7:11 a.m., 32 years ago today, my first son was born. As most of us mothers know, there are no words to describe the moment we see our child for the first time. Awesome, wonderful, great, unbelievable, etc. are words that are matchless to the truth of the moment. It's a God given gift of immeasurable magnitude and one for which I am eternally grateful. Six years later, He gave me one more precious boy. It's an honor and a priviledge to be the mother to these two sons of mine.

May you all be as richly blessed as Sam and I.

Sweet dreams.

Cold Monday

I've been out of commission for a day or two. After our road trip Saturday to see the children, I was feeling a little bit puny. I had that scratchy throat, you know. Well, when I got up Sunday morning, my voice was all but gone and I felt awful. Sam fixed me a little breakfast and put me on the couch under some blankets and I slept until 3 p.m. which is something I never do. I felt some better when I woke up but I had this nagging headache and couldn't figure out why all the pain medicines I took weren't helping. All of a sudden, I realized I had not had any caffeine in over 24 hours so I drank a glass of diet Dr. Pepper and within 15 minutes, it was gone. Now, this bottle of diet Dr. P has been sitting in a corner of my pantry for two months because I decided to quit all soft drinks for various reasons. I really hate to know that I had to have this "fix" to feel better, but you do what you gotta do, right? The remnants of this sweet liquid sits before me now and I'm about to finish it off. Sigh.

I did go to work today and thankfully, we weren't too busy so I just sat in my little chair and shivered, blew my nose, and huddled up to our little auxilliary heater. Sam had some soup heated up for us (some that I had put in the freezer last week) along with some fresh beer bread and that sure hit the spot. I am married to the most wonderful man, I'll tell you. I am so blessed.

I pray you all have a good night and sweet dreams.

Sweet Saturday night

Sam and I just got home from spending the sweetest day with oldest son and daughter-in-law. She has gotten so much bigger since we saw her a few weeks ago and if she was having one baby, she would be considered full term. She's holding up well and has such a good attitude. We know she is a bit overwhelmed at times but Sam reminded her and our son that God would not give them these precious little girls if He didn't know that they would be the best parents for them and that they will be well equipped for the task of raising them. We are so excited to meet these little girls! We took the kids out to dinner and then had birthday cake for our son and he opened our gifts to him. When we left, he said he sure wished we could stay all night and if we could have, we would have. I'm just grateful they are only a couple of hours away.

I prepared a few meals for them to pop in the oven from the freezer so that she doesn't have to be on her feet in the kitchen more than necessary. I fixed pinto beans, corn chowder, taco soup, lasagna, and chicken and dumplings. I was so happy to see that other ladies dropped off a few things for them, too. They have a good circle of friends that see to it that she doesn't over exert herself and it's very hard because she's normally very active and feels guilty if she isn't busy doing something. I suspect in a few weeks, she'll be wishing she had a few quiet moments back, don't you?

I think I'm off to bed shortly. I have a bit of a scratchy throat and just feel kinda yuck today so a good night's sleep is in order. I bid you all a good night and y'all sleep tight.