Post Christmas

I have not been far away but merely regrouping after a hectic couple of weeks. I'm glad to be back and look forward to sharing news with you.

First of all, the baby girls are getting a bit stronger day by day. They have gained some weight....baby A weighs 5 lbs. 2 oz. and baby B is 4 lbs. 8 oz. They still have episodes of apnea and so they are still in the NICU. We're hoping that they can go home in a week or so. Mommy is getting better, as well.

Our younger son spent a few days with us at Christmas and it was wonderful having him home. He's so bright, funny, and easy to talk to and it made our Christmas so much richer by having him with us. It was very hard for this Mom to tell him goodbye at the airport but I know we'll be seeing him again soon.

Sam and I got all of our Christmas stuff put away today and boy, does it feel good. I love this time of year but for some reason, it took me a while to get in the holiday spirit. I think it may be because I was distracted by the birth of the twins and also because we are looking to buy a bigger house and I think I'm mentally moving out of this house and therefore not as interested in the details like decorating for holidays, although it was pretty and cozy (i.e. small) in here. We had to run over to my son's in-laws' house for a minute tonight and I got a load of their tree....it is HUGE.....about 2 stories tall or something like that. Their house is very large and they had a fire going and so many lovely decorations and I admit to feeling a bit envious for a moment but you know, I wouldn't trade what I have for all of the huge houses in the world or for anyone else's life....I have what I need right here. Still, I am honestly ready to make one last move to a home that will fit our family comfortably with a little bit of land for some animals and a garden.

I hope you all have a blessed Sunday and sleep tight tonight.

Cold hands and a warm heart

It's cold here this morning but I do have a warm heart because we get to see younger son in almost 24 hours!! We're so happy to have him with us. Older son wishes we could stay with them tomorrow night but younger son wants us to himself, I believe, after a short and sweet visit with his brother and new nieces. The babies are doing better each day and are taking their bottles so well, praise God. They'll be home before you know it. I hope Mommy and Daddy are getting lots of rest because their lives will never be the same once the children are home.

I have to go in to work in a bit then I will gear up for a busy Saturday. I am looking forward to getting home tomorrow night with #2 son and just enjoying each other's company and cooking for him and just being with him. He's so much fun to be around and a joy to Sam and me. I never thought that in my life, I would go nearly a year without seeing one of my sons but they do grow up and live on their own and so that makes time with them all the more precious.

I hope you all have a good day and safe driving if you're out last minute Christmas shopping.

Foggy morn

It's very foggy but also very cold here in my neck of the woods. The roads might be a little slippery so I'm waiting a bit before heading out to finish Christmas shopping. I have avoided Wal Mart since before Thanksgiving (I do that every year if at all possible) so hopefully I can find what I need elsewhere. I didn't know my granddaughters were going to be here before the holiday so I will get something special for their first Christmas.....maybe their first teddy bears. I looked a little yesterday on my lunch hour and I tell you, it's very hard to find a regular teddy bear. They all were crazy colors and they were just ugly. I know what I want but am having a hard time finding two soft brown bears. I also thought about getting them a Precious Moments keepsake....remember those? I have a small collection of figurines that my sons gave me over the years and thought it might be nice to start a collection for the little girls. I also collect miniatures and have several shadow boxes that I just love and I want to start one for each of them one day when they're a little older. I love tradition, don't y'all? I think the older I get, the more sentimental I've become and things take on a whole new meaning because I want to leave something behind for the next generations. I'm not very talented as far as sewing or crafts, but I can cook and have worked on recipe books for a long time to share with my children and grandchildren.

I hope you all have a safe and happy day. I will get to see the babies this weekend, Lord willing, and will be taking younger son with us to visit. He will only be here a few days from Texas but we'll enjoy every second we get to be with him. The babies have been put together finally in an isolette but will remain in the hospital for a while yet. They are still being fed through a tube with a supplemental bottle twice a day. The goal is for them to take 8 bottles a day so they have a ways to go. I thank God for their precious lives and pray for continued strength for them.

Have a blessed day.

Baby Baby

Sam and I had the best Christmas gift ever. We got to hold AND feed our tiny granddaughters Saturday night. The kids called and said "please come...we need you." How can a mother/grandma say no to that?? Not this one, I assure you. We threw clothes in the car and headed 2 hours south. We visited with tired momma and daddy then headed for the hospital. After a few minutes with their parents, the little ones were handed over to Sam and me to hold and feed. We sat side by side and after the babies each started drinking their little bottles of milk, my husband and I looked at each other and smiled. We are so close that we shared the same thought and that was - we will never forget this moment as long as we live. After a rushed trip back to the hospital at 2 in the morning to deliver milk, Sam and son came back and we all got some rest. The babies did not have a good day yesterday, so I ask for prayer for them.

My son's mother-in-law is able to be there for the next few weeks to help out and while I confess to being a bit envious, I'm very grateful that she is able to do this. I sometimes wish we could live right next door and be there at a moment's notice to help out or babysit, but that won't happen and it probably shouldn't. They will find their rhythm and do just fine. I'm struck at how seriously our son is taking his fatherhood role and couldn't be prouder of him. He's a devoted husband and loves his little daughters so much.

The icing on the cake of this month is that our younger son will be flying here next Saturday to spend Christmas with us and meet his two nieces. We haven't seen him in nearly a year and this momma is sure excited at the prospect of spending time with him. I miss him so much but am glad he's happy in his life. I couldn't ask for more, could I?

Have a blessed night and sweet dreams.

Observations

Is it me or has anyone else noticed how rude people seem to be this Christmas season? I got caught up today on some last minute shopping and almost every cashier was grumbling about her job and how they were going to apply elsewhere so they could make more money, etc. all with a plastered smile on their face as they waited on me. It's very disconcerting and certainly doesn't lend to the "holiday spirit". Sam and I also noticed that most of the nurses that were caring for our little granddaughters were in the same mood.....harsh, grumpy, rough, and some were downright rude. He and I were waiting outside of our daughter-in-law's room for a few minutes while a nurse was with her and another nurse popped her head out of a room quite a distance down the hall and wanted to know who we were waiting on. We told her and she then said for us to go wait in the lobby and "someone would come get us". If you knew Sam you would understand that this did not sit well with him and although I meekly turned and did as I was instructed (not happy about it, though), he turned toward said nurse and folded his arms while burning a hole through her with his look. She went away and since I had gone to sit down, he followed but I believe he wishes I had stayed and stared her down, too. Hateful-acting thing. (the nurse, not Sam)

We're about to call and get an update on the girls. We are waiting for the word that they are not tied to iv's, oxygen, and the like and we can finally hold those precious children. I want to feel them, smell them, and whisper my love to them. I know they won't remember any of it, but it's momentous to this grandma. I can secretly hope that somewhere in the recesses of their minds, they'll know me and my immeasurable love for them.

It's getting colder here and may even snow this weekend. Woo-hoo! That would be great as long as it doesn't impede our travel plans. Our youngest son's birthday is Sat. and then one week from then, he will be flying up here from Texas to spend Christmas with us. My heart will be absolutely overflowing with love and gratitude for all that God has done for our little family. It is now.

I bid you all a good night with sweet dreams.

Twin Blessings

Last night at 10:30, my tiny, beautiful granddaughters were born weighing in at a little over 4 lbs. each. They are absolutely perfect with such tiny faces and golden/red hair. My heart is so full this evening. Mommy is doing pretty well, although I am haunted at how pale she was all day. She had an emergency c-section and her blood pressure keeps dropping at different times of the day. Please remember her in your prayers. Daddy is ecstatic, proud, grateful, and in awe of these little miracles.

Sam and I are exhausted after only a few hours of sleep last night. Good night and sweet dreams to you all.

The time is near

This is the beginning of a very special week. You see, I got a call this morning from my son to tell me that his wife's water broke. They are in the hospital right now waiting to see the doctor. She is 6 weeks early and is having contractions as I write this. Sam and I are BESIDE ourselves because we don't know if we should head on down there or do as our son suggested and just wait until the doctor checks our daughter-in-law out. They may decide to keep her on bedrest for a few days so we're on pins and needles here.

I was at work when he called and from that point on, I was rendered useless, as was Sam. We met at home for lunch and breathlessly threw clothes in a suitcase, I loaded up Snow Pea and took her to the kennel. All afternoon at work, I couldn't concentrate and could only see two beautiful little girls that will someday call me "Memaw", Lord willing. We are both antsy and nervous as we wait to hear from son #1.

Please join me in praying that these little ones are born healthy and that our son doesn't fall to pieces! He's very strong but I could tell during our last phone conversation that he's extremely stressed right now. Daughter is in pain and we're all waiting to see these tiny girls.

I will update as soon as I can.

Sniffly

I've had some head mess for about a week....scratchy throat, lost my voice, watery eyes, runny nose, etc. It's about to get on my nerves.

When I walked in the door after lunch from work this morning, I discovered that Sam had cleaned the house, moved our Christmas tree to a much better spot, cleaned litter boxes, and had candles burning. Isn't he just the best? He makes every single thing in my life special - everything.

It was very misty, cold, cloudy, and a bit foggy all day so after a bite of lunch, I sat on the couch and dozed off in front of the twinkly Christmas tree. I napped for about 20 min. then we ran an errand then ate supper at Cracker Barrel. I love that place. They have beautiful and unique ornaments for the tree plus neat gift ideas. My youngest son used to love watching reruns of the Monkees t.v. show when he was little and would cry if he couldn't watch it every night. They had a dvd of the top 6 most popular episodes and I think I may go back and get it for him as a sort of gag gift. Truth be told, he will probably love it. I actually got to see Davy Jones when I was about 18. He was playing in a celebrity tennis tournament in the Texas town where I lived. He was very small but still cute. I didn't have the nerve to talk to him but then, my crush on him was long gone. Ron Ely was there, too (remember the newer Tarzan?) but I didn't talk to him either. I didn't think Tarzan should have had big dimples.

I'm off to read for a bit now. I hope you all have a peaceful, sweet night.

Oh my...

Well, I feel silly. Yesterday, Snow Pea ate a little treat shaped like a bone. Apparently she chewed the end of it off and it stuck in her jaw! I felt so silly when the dr. popped it out of her mouth but even more than that, I felt such gratitude that it wasn't what I feared the most.

It's cloudy, cold, and absolutely beautiful here. What a good day!

Getting real

I toyed with the idea of blogging for many months. I have enjoyed reading other women's blogs and have been inspired by them. I knew that mine would probably be different. I wouldn't have lots of colorful graphics, beautiful music, dancing bears and the like. Not that I wouldn't like that but because I am not well versed in achieving those effects. And I'm not terribly motivated to learn, I'm afraid. No, what I wanted was to simply talk. From the heart of a 50-something woman who has lived life fully and who has many experiences to share and not all of them bubbly and happy and perky. Some of them are sad and gut wrenching and awful. I wanted to write so that I might find others who have shared similar experiences and who might just know what I am talking about. I have linked to many blogs whose authors are stay at home mothers and who have seemingly perfect lives. (I know they don't but you know what I mean.) I call myself a gentle outsider for a reason. I am a Christian, a very happy and blessed wife and mother, and yet I've known heartache and grief and great joy and disappointment. I have a lot to say.

I have a very tiny, older dog that I love very much - Snow Pea. I watched her being born and she has been my shadow for 13+ years. Tonight, as I was petting her, I found a knot on her jaw that I hadn't felt before. My stomach lurched and my blood ran cold because, as is typical of me, I immediately assumed the worst. I am hoping and praying it's an abscessed tooth or something "fixable". She'll go to the vet. first thing in the morning. I know the day is coming when I'll have to tell her goodbye and that is a day I dread more than I can ever express. If you think about her, please say a little prayer on her behalf. She and I would appreciate it very much. I'll let you know the report from the dr. tomorrow night.

Until then, sweet dreams.

Thirty two years

That's how long I've been a mother. At 7:11 a.m., 32 years ago today, my first son was born. As most of us mothers know, there are no words to describe the moment we see our child for the first time. Awesome, wonderful, great, unbelievable, etc. are words that are matchless to the truth of the moment. It's a God given gift of immeasurable magnitude and one for which I am eternally grateful. Six years later, He gave me one more precious boy. It's an honor and a priviledge to be the mother to these two sons of mine.

May you all be as richly blessed as Sam and I.

Sweet dreams.

Cold Monday

I've been out of commission for a day or two. After our road trip Saturday to see the children, I was feeling a little bit puny. I had that scratchy throat, you know. Well, when I got up Sunday morning, my voice was all but gone and I felt awful. Sam fixed me a little breakfast and put me on the couch under some blankets and I slept until 3 p.m. which is something I never do. I felt some better when I woke up but I had this nagging headache and couldn't figure out why all the pain medicines I took weren't helping. All of a sudden, I realized I had not had any caffeine in over 24 hours so I drank a glass of diet Dr. Pepper and within 15 minutes, it was gone. Now, this bottle of diet Dr. P has been sitting in a corner of my pantry for two months because I decided to quit all soft drinks for various reasons. I really hate to know that I had to have this "fix" to feel better, but you do what you gotta do, right? The remnants of this sweet liquid sits before me now and I'm about to finish it off. Sigh.

I did go to work today and thankfully, we weren't too busy so I just sat in my little chair and shivered, blew my nose, and huddled up to our little auxilliary heater. Sam had some soup heated up for us (some that I had put in the freezer last week) along with some fresh beer bread and that sure hit the spot. I am married to the most wonderful man, I'll tell you. I am so blessed.

I pray you all have a good night and sweet dreams.

Sweet Saturday night

Sam and I just got home from spending the sweetest day with oldest son and daughter-in-law. She has gotten so much bigger since we saw her a few weeks ago and if she was having one baby, she would be considered full term. She's holding up well and has such a good attitude. We know she is a bit overwhelmed at times but Sam reminded her and our son that God would not give them these precious little girls if He didn't know that they would be the best parents for them and that they will be well equipped for the task of raising them. We are so excited to meet these little girls! We took the kids out to dinner and then had birthday cake for our son and he opened our gifts to him. When we left, he said he sure wished we could stay all night and if we could have, we would have. I'm just grateful they are only a couple of hours away.

I prepared a few meals for them to pop in the oven from the freezer so that she doesn't have to be on her feet in the kitchen more than necessary. I fixed pinto beans, corn chowder, taco soup, lasagna, and chicken and dumplings. I was so happy to see that other ladies dropped off a few things for them, too. They have a good circle of friends that see to it that she doesn't over exert herself and it's very hard because she's normally very active and feels guilty if she isn't busy doing something. I suspect in a few weeks, she'll be wishing she had a few quiet moments back, don't you?

I think I'm off to bed shortly. I have a bit of a scratchy throat and just feel kinda yuck today so a good night's sleep is in order. I bid you all a good night and y'all sleep tight.

Being a housewife...

.....is what I love to do more than anything. It's an honorable position and I believe that being a wife and mother is what I was born to be.

I get to be a full time wife every Thursday because it's my day off from work. While my job isn't that bad, there are more cons than pros when working away from home. You know what it's like to work with other women, right? And when you aren't among like-minded people (I'm talking about Christians now) then you are subject to all kinds of ugly behavior. That being said, I've had worse jobs but it's my and Sam's prayer that I can come home soon. My granddaughters will be here before you know it and my son asked me last night if I thought I would be able to quit working anytime in the near future so that I can spend as much time with them as I want. I wish I could have said yes but I just told him I wouldn't let my job interfere with my family and I would be there as much as time allows. I sometimes wish we lived in the same town as they do but we don't know what the future holds and they may eventually move closer to us. That would be wonderful! In the meantime, I need to focus on what God has blessed me with and not have any more pity parties.

I have a pot of black bean soup simmering on the stove for Sam when he comes home for lunch in about an hour. I'm about to bake some cornbread, too. It's in the 40's today so I thought this would be a tummy warming meal. I have no idea what supper will be but I'll cross that bridge later. I sometimes fly by the seat of my pants. Thankfully, I manage to get most of the things done that I need to with little planning but I do work on being more organized. I write myself little notes all during the day as reminders of things that need to be done. Do y'all do that, too? I can be sitting in one room and think of something I need in another and by the time I walk a few steps, I have completely forgotten what I went after. It drives me crazy and does make me wonder about my sanity. I just tell myself that I have such a busy little mind that there just isn't enough room for all of my memories. Either that or I'm suffering from dementia of some sort.

With that, I'll say goodbye for now and hope you all have a good Thursday.

Prayer request

My beloved sister-in-law's mother passed away last night. Please pray for her as she has lost her husband this year (my brother) and now her mom. She also has lupus and stress almost always triggers a setback. Please pray that God will be merciful to her and protect her.

How was your Tuesday? It was sunny and cool here with a promise of rain later in the week. I looked ahead to next week on the weather site and there was a mention of snow possible but if you're like me, you'll believe it when you see it. I have a co-worker who is going to Disney World next week and can't wait to be in the warmer climate and I just don't see it, honestly. I feel so much better physically when it's cold. Heat saps my energy, makes me grumpy, and I just feel gross! This same co-worker wears longjohns under her work clothes every day even when the temps get to 70 or so! She also has a tower heater thing that she turns on which also sometimes blows on me since we sit side by side and we've had more than one discussion about that thing. We pick at each other and try to be good natured about it, but as I've tried explaining to her..."you'll be in your 50's someday and you'll know what the term hot flash is all about". Y'all know what I'm talking about, huh?

I still haven't finished decorating for Christmas. I hope that I'll have some energy on my day off this week and get that job done. Since we are looking to buy a house one day soon, my enthusiasm for decorating has definitely waned but this is where the Lord wants us for the time being and so I'll decorate and enjoy this Christmas season (and pray that next year we're in a bigger house.) We have to have plenty of room for our granddaughters, you know. Bless their hearts. I love them so much even now - even before they've made their entrance into this world.

I'm off to soak in a hot bath...mmmm....sounds wonderful, doesn't it? I hope you all have a wonderful evening and sleep tight.

Steak and potatoes

That is what I was craving for supper tonight. It was a crazy day at work and I was so tired so Sam and I decided to go out for a steak dinner. I was not disappointed.

I've had a full day, I have a full tummy, and my flannel sheets beckon me. Y'all have sweet dreams. Night, night.

A soft Sunday

I pray you are having a blessed Lord's Day. It's cloudy and cool here, which I love, and all is right with the world. Sam and I are Reformed Christians and we love our little church. We live in a particularly beautiful area of the South and are surrounded by mountains. Our church is on a hilltop in the country and the view as we step out of church every Sunday reminds us of God's glory and we still pinch ourselves that we get to live here. Sam and I moved here from Texas almost two years ago and although I dearly love Texas because I was born and raised there, we have fallen in love with our new home. Our oldest son lives about 2 hours from us so when my granddaughters are born, we'll be able to see them much more often. My youngest son is still in Texas and I miss him terribly. But he attends college and is in a serious relationship with a young lady so I know he's happy where he is and thankfully, we can talk as often as we like by phone. (Thank the Lord for unlimited long distance.) This has been a bittersweet Thanksgiving as my parents are both deceased (my mom in '93 and my daddy in '03) and my only sibling, a brother, died very suddenly in January. Even with my Sam by my side and the love of my children, I miss my family so much and often feel very alone. It's very weird knowing you're the last one left of your birth family.



Okay, on to other things. We're going to decorate for Christmas today. I've been rather ambivalent about it this year and I'm usually really anxious to get my stuff put out and get the tree up and decorated. But Sam pointed out to me that I might be feeling depressed - my brother's death hit me very hard and was so senseless. You see, he had abused his body with drugs (legal and otherwise) for most of his life and he died as result of bleeding internally. His wife and one of his precious daughters witnessed this. This happened just days after my son's wedding. So - it's been a year of highs and lows and although I miss my brother terribly, I pray he's in a better place. He professed to be a Christian and I do believe that anyone who could abuse themselves that way had to be mentally ill to some degree and could still be a Christian, so I comfort myself with that knowledge.



I just read the above and realize this isn't exactly the feel good post of the year, is it? Well, it's part of my life and who I am so there's no point in pretending otherwise. This life is a vale of tears but even during the lowest times, God is faithful and merciful and I am very blessed.



I have a roast in the crockpot that smells soooo good and I need to decide what to fix to go with that. We have about eaten up the last of the turkey and things from Thanksgiving so I need to work on a menu for the upcoming week. I have found that having a menu really helps me when I buy groceries and it keeps me from wondering what on earth I'm gonna fix for supper that night. As I've mentioned before, I do love to cook but the hardest part for me is deciding what to have. Sam is so easy to cook for and is very appreciative of whatever I prepare for our meals and he's a huge help in the kitchen. I don't get home from work most nights until after 6 so he will either help get supper started or offers to wash dishes afterward so I can rest. He is the best husband imaginable.



I hope the remainder of your Sunday is restful, joyful, and serene.

Antiques and Fleas

Sam and I just got back home from shopping at a couple of antique/flea markets in our downtown area. It's so beautiful down there and although there are mostly antique stores and a few cafes down there, it does take me back to my childhood in Texas when my mother and I would go shopping. The only place to go shopping back then was downtown and I recall vividly how everything looked and mostly smelled. Do you remember the hot summer days when you would walk through those heavy glass doors (which were kind of yellow-tinted) and the cold air would hit you in the face? And the smell....it was new clothes/leather smelling and intoxicating to me. There was always the gumball machine sitting there by the entrance and I loved dropping my penny into the silver slot and pushing the little lever from one side to the other and wondering what color would pop out....my favorite being either red or blue. Those were such sweet days. Anyway, back to my shopping trip. We were on a mission - I want a ceramic Christmas tree. We didn't have one when I was little but Sam's family did and his mom still has two of them left. They are so cute and colorful and nostalgic. My dear mother-in-law isn't going to part with them any time soon so I would like to find one of my own. We didn't have any success today, though, but I did come across an old recipe book that is full of clippings and handwritten recipes. I just peeked at a few of them and realized what a treasure I had found for $2.00! I'll share more with you as I hopefully discover some old, if not yummy, recipes.

Work was okay today. It was tiresome because we weren't terribly busy and it made the morning crawl. I have a co-worker who gets on my nerves most days and today was no exception. She is a very talkative person and never, ever stops talking - ever. I try to tune her out without being rude but it's about impossible. At any rate, once I get home, I have to decompress for a few minutes in complete silence, if at all possible, just to get the droning out my head.

I should head to the kitchen and see what I can do with some pork chops I have thawed. I LOVE to cook and I'll share my menus with you along with some recipes from time to time.

Y'all have a good evening.

Lagniappe (a little bit more)

.....about me.



It's taken me a while to figure out how on earth to do this, and I'm sure this will be one of the more unadorned blogs you'll read. But then again, I'm kinda plain and simple myself. I've learned to make things easy on myself most of the time... plus I have a very hard time making decisions, so the very fact that I'm actually doing this is quite remarkable.



Okay, a little bit more about me. I am married to Sam and we have two grown sons, one of whom is married and about to make me a grandmother to twin girls! We have a little old dog, Snow Pea, and two weird cats and two even weirder parakeets. But I don't think anyone else would love them or take care of them like we could, so we treasure them. I'll fill you in on more about my 2-legged and 4-legged loved ones as time goes on.



I wanted to start this yesterday because I thought Thanksgiving was an appropriate day for this undertaking. I do have so much I'm grateful for. It was that strange aversion I have to making decisions that kept me from starting this yesterday so here I am.



I work part time as an office manager in a small, family owned business. I only work 4 hours on Fridays so I went in this afternoon. I would have preferred being at home with Sam. We love being together more than anything in this world and so every moment together is precious to us. Our kids weren't able to be with us yesterday for the holiday. Our youngest son lives in another state (attending college) and our oldest is a couple of hours from us but can't travel due to my daughter-in-law's pregnancy. The babies are due in two months but she's not allowed to travel anymore until the birth. We'll go see them in the next week or two and I'll prepare some meals for them to put in the freezer so she doesn't have to be on her feet too much. I cannot wait to meet my granddaughters - God has richly blessed me.



I love bad weather. Not tornadoes - that's another story. But cold, windy, snowy, sleety, thundery-lightening-y - ummm...did I mention cold?.....those are the days I like. My family is like that, too. I get sad on sunny Sundays. Do any of y'all dread Sundays, too? I don't know why I do, although I suspect there is some dark reason for it. I can tolerate some sunny days besides Sunday, but after a few weeks of the cheerful look, I'm ready for glorious gloom. How about you?



It's late and I'm just mentally exhausted trying to figure out how to get started on this thing. I think it will be a joyful journey and I really look forward to sharing my thoughts on life and the challenges of being middle-aged with you. As I mentioned in my "about me" thingy, I don't necessarily fit into a particular category. I hope you have a pleasant night and sweet dreams.